Fat tax

Budget airline RyanAir today unveiled their new ‘pay as you weigh’ pricing policy that will mean extra charges for customers exceeding the airline’s recommended flying weight. Under their revised terms and conditions those passengers deemed to be ‘fatties’ will be charged an increasing scale of penalty charges for the extra fuel costs they incur the airline.

RyanAir boss Michael O’Leary said he had done his utmost to deter fat people from flying on his airline, over-pricing the sandwiches or just having no food on sale whatsoever, but fat people simply resorted to boarding his planes with big bags of sandwiches, crisps and fizzy drinks.

Henceforth RyanAir customers will be required to give details of their height and weight at the point of booking. Those with a body mass index (BMI) over 26 will be charged GBP25 for every BMI point they are over the limit. These criteria have drawn heavy criticism from air travellers claiming that they are ‘big boned’ and pointing out that ‘muscle weighs more than fat’.

RyanAir’s check in staff have now been instructed to look out for people misrepresenting their weight on their booking forms. As well as having to measure the dimensions of their hand luggage, passengers will now be required to pass through a metal frame of fixed width. If they cannot squeeze through, an alarm will sound and a red light will flash the word ‘Fat Bastard’ above their heads. Security staff on the x-ray machines have also been asked to look out for concealed cakes, pies and giant toblerones.

However RyanAir was prepared to concede that it was highly discriminatory to include pregnant women in the ‘Fat Tax’ scheme. Instead mothers carrying unborn children will simply be charged the price of two passengers.