A sniffly Laird McGillicuddy Graeme Cairns was recuperating at home after surviving 12 hours of cryogenic freezing in a chilly bid to dodge responsibility for filling out his census forms.
The good Laird was yesterday declared "legally dead" at 11.55am by his medical entourage of Dr Freeze, Dr Snakes, Dr Beere, Dr Weeds and Dr Qualified, who mixed the science of cryogenics with the dark arts of shamanism in Garden Place.
"We have frozen him to minus 175C, or any other number you care to name. He's out cold, as it were. We don't understand all that legal stuff, we just freeze him."
Dr Qualified said cryogenics was a highly complicated procedure, but couldn't help but note credulity is at an all-time high in Hamilton. "Hands up who knows how science works?" he challenged, to blank audience stares. "Yes, you people will believe anyone."
Dr Qualified argued the cryogenic process could lead to an explosion of a future cannibalism industry, in much the same way as frozen shipping allowed sheep farming to take off.
Cairns - who avoided the last census day by hovering in a hot air balloon above NZ airspace - said he had a splitting headache after being thawed out. But was otherwise fine.
"I'm naturally used to the cold, you see. My parents owned a frozen food
factory"
3 comments:
ok lucy..you got some 'splaning to do'...what the fuck?what's the big deal with the census? is it a scottish thing? a lord thing? or a dumb fuck thing?
This is in New Zealand ,but we have Censuses too in the UK ,EVERYONE ,every 10 years has to be logged, so the Govt. knows the ages sex and amount of people in each household.
I don't know what his problem is , the silly twot.
yea we have them too...
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