Stags freed

Two stags had to be freed after getting entangled in a length of dumped rope while they were rutting. The stags' antlers were caught up in the rope leaving them both trapped in headlocks. They were exhausted by their attempts to get free.

Five men had to hold the powerful animals down while they cut them free in Lawley, near Telford, Shropshire. The RSPCA warned the public about the dangers of dumping in the countryside saying the stags were lucky to survive.

A passer-by saw what animal welfare officers described as "a life-threatening predicament" and called for help.

An RSPCA inspector, the local deer warden and his underkeeper, a gamekeeper at a nearby castle and his beatkeeper took half-an-hour to free the Roe deer stags.

Inspector Nayman Dunderdale, from the RSPCA, said: "Stags are extremely strong animals that are known to fight. They were exhausted from trying to free themselves which they would never have managed on their own. It is lucky that someone spotted them and sought help, or they could have died. He said both stags ran off unharmed once they had been freed on Thursday.

"Every day RSPCA inspectors rescue pet and wild animals trapped or hurt by litter. Litter causes unnecessary suffering to so many animals and kills others. We urge people to always put their rubbish in a bin. On this occasion, a discarded piece of rope nearly resulted in the painful death of two beautiful stags."

Clever car

A tiny, three-wheeled car that could help solve city congestion has been demonstrated at the University of Bath.

The prototype Clever (Compact Low Emission Vehicle for Urban Transport) (Even though that spells CLEVFUT) car is one metre wide and less polluting than normal vehicles.

It has a top speed of 100 km/h (60mph) and uses a novel tilting chassis to make it safe and manoeuvrable.

The traffic-busting two-seater is the result of a 40-month project by researchers in nine European countries. The three-year, £1.5m EU-funded research project aimed to produce a totally different class of private-motor vehicle specifically designed for the urban environment.

"The only solutions at the moment are motorbikes or cars" said Ben Drew, a research officer at the University of Bath, one of the institutions involved in the project. The idea is to try to marry the small size and efficiency of a motorcycle but with the comfort and safety of a standard car," he said.

The result looks like the big brother of the ill-conceived Sinclair C5. However, the Clever car may drive the field of alternative vehicles further forward than Clive Sinclair's invention.

The plastic prototype has a roof that protects both the driver, and the passenger sitting behind, in the event of a crash. It also protects them from the elements. It stands at the same height of a normal car and is fully enclosed by gull-wing doors. At just over one metre wide it is even narrower than Daimler Chrysler's original Smart car.

The micro-mini is able to park efficiently and opens up the possibility of an increased number of lanes on jam-packed city streets.
However, more cars should not mean more fumes, because the Clever car uses compressed natural gas.

"It costs less to run, is quieter and is less polluting," said Dr Jos Darling, a senior lecturer in charge of the Clever project at Bath University. It would also allow the car to get around London's congestion charge.

The team from Bath also had to design a novel chassis that keeps the narrow vehicle from rolling over when it turns corners. The hydraulic system is electronically controlled and automatically tilts the vehicle as it goes round a corner, in a similar way to a motorcyclist tilts a bike.

"The control system takes measurements from the driver, such as the steering angle and speed, and tilts the vehicle to the required angle to go round the corner," explained Mr Drew. "It takes a little while to get used to, but once you do it feels bizarre to get back into a normal car."

The car on display in Bath is one of five built buy the EU consortium.

Three were destroyed in crash testing and the other is in Germany with car manufacturer BMW, one of the organisations involved in Clever's development. Although the vehicle is packed with new innovations, it is unlikely replace SUVs in urban dwellers affections just yet.

The prototype is purely a research project and is unlikely to ever come to market in its present form. But the researchers hope that car companies may build on the ideas and that the design may even pave the way for a new class of city vehicles, between motorbikes and cars.

"You can imagine that they could re-jig the congestion charge to just allow motorcycles and clever vehicles, but not cars," said Mr Drew. "The idea is to showcase the vehicle and start the process of laying down the groundwork for this third way."

Cops cop corpse

Berlin - A 53-year-old German woman who was driving her dead mother across country to save on mortuary transportation costs was fined by police for disturbing a dead person's peace.

"You're not allowed to transport dead people in your private car," said Ralf Schomisch, police spokesman in Koblenz, where the car was found after a tip-off from a mortuary.

"The corpse was on the back seat without a seat belt, which in this case didn't really matter. But it was covered up with clothing. It is a misdemeanour."

He said the woman, who was not identified, was charged with violating burial laws and disturbing a dead person's peace. She would face a modest fine, Schomisch said.

The woman had already driven 450 km (280 miles) after picking up the body from a mortuary in the northern city of Bremerhaven. She wanted to bury her mother, who died of natural causes aged 90, in her hometown Daun.

Ve haff a sense of humour

Germany's soccer-mad new ambassador to Britain yesterday declared all-out war on his countrymen’s dour image — by promising a fun-filled World Cup. Wolfgang Ischinger insisted the tournament was the ideal opportunity for Germans to prove they DO have a sense of humour.

And he said the nation also loved nothing better than a good knees-up. The envoy explained: “Germans love to have parties and they have parties more than most people. There are beer festivals all over the country. They are celebrated with vigour and also with quite a bit of alcoholic beverage, which is not much different from the British.”

Herr Ischinger, 60, went on: “The tournament gives us the perfect opportunity to present a new image of our country. This is the year for us to show that the clichés and stereotypes of the old days are no longer relevant. No country likes to see itself presented in such a negative way. It’s going to be my mission to do our best to change that and show a different image of Germany.”

The dad of three, who arrived in Britain just days ago, launched his crusade after replacing controversial ambassador Thomas Matussek. Herr Matussek sparked fury by accusing British schools of failing to teach kids about post-war Germany. The new envoy’s arrival has already seen a bid by the German embassy to show the nation in a fresh light.

Last week it launched a student essay competition titled: “Don’t mention the War”. The contest — fronted by comedian John Cleese who made the saying famous when he played TV’s Basil Fawlty — features summer courses in Berlin as prizes.

Herr Ischinger showed his own sense of humour by laughing off the outcry over plans for British fans to sing World Cup songs in German.

He said: “I will not be provoked into an angry reaction.”

Beefed up !

The price of British beef will soar when exports to Europe resume next week, it was warned today. The National Beef Association said prices could rise by up to 20 per cent by the summer.

The price hike would put British prices in line with European costs. The NBA warned the wholesale price increases could be passed on to consumers. Exports will resume from May 3, finally ending the ban brought in a decade ago to stem the spread of mad cow disease (BSE).

NBA chairman Duff Burrell warned: “The supermarkets won’t take a loss on that product for very long. They won’t be able to stand it. “The price will have to rise on the shop shelf or the supermarkets will have to cut their margin which they don’t like doing.”

Prime British beef currently commands prices of around £2 per kilo compared to an average £2.31 for the French equivalent and £2.35 for Spanish and Portuguese, according to the NBA.

About time !

The photos of on-the-run paedophiles could be posted on the web to warn the public, it was revealed today. Home Office minister Paul Goggins this morning launched the Child exploitation and Online Protection (CEOP) centre in London

The £1million unit will bring together police, computer industry experts and children's charities to combat images of child sex abuse and online grooming.

Jim Gamble, the head of the new body said: "The CEOP centre is the most significant development in child protection in recent years.

"Our message is clear: If you’re a sex offender, get help or get caught."

Mr Gamble said he had written to police forces to ask their views on posting mugshots of abusers who had run away from supervision by Multi-Agency Public Protection Panels.

"If the risk is high, we need to consider new and perhaps constructively aggressive measures before they harm a child in the community," said Mr Gamble.

He had begun discussions with the Association of Chief Police Officers to allow the move, he said, adding: “Our negotiations are well advanced.”

Sources said about three per cent of the 30,000 people on the Sex Offenders’ Register have lost touch with the authorities at any one time.

About 100 of those are considered to be high-risk offenders, including dozens convicted of offences on children.

Internet safety adviser at children’s charity NCH, John Carr, said: "NCH welcomes this important initiative that promises to help keep children safe online both in the UK and across the world.

"We are particularly pleased to see industry, law enforcement, and children’s charities working together in this highly innovative way to ensure appropriate safeguards are in place to help protect our children from harm."

Wallaby tablets ?

Scientists have discovered a bacteria-fighting compound 100 times more effective than penicillin - in wallaby milk.

Researchers found the highly-potent compound, tagged AGG01, was active against a wide variety of fungi and bacteria including antibiotic-resistant superbugs.

Research team leader Dr Ben Cocks said the discovery could have a profound impact on both human and animal health.

"This compound has the potential to be commercially synthesised and may prove vital in the war against increasingly resistant human and animal diseases," Dr Cocks said.

He said researchers from the Victorian government's Department of Primary Industries made the discovery while investigating the chemical properties of Tammar wallabies' breast milk to determine how their immune-deficient newborns built up resistance to bacteria while in the pouch.

Using online biological information, they searched the wallaby's genome to identify more than 30 factors in the breast milk that contribute to fighting bugs.

Compound AGG01 was found to be effective against a relative of the hospital superbug MRSA, or golden staph, as well as ecoli, Streptococci, Salmonella, Bacillus subtilus, Pseudomonas spp, Proteus vulgaris, and Staphylococcus aureus.

Pink Taco restaurant furore

In a city aspiring to be defined by its good taste, a new Mexican restaurant, the Pink Taco, is opening with a name that some find offensive. Scottsdale Mayor Mary Manross was so put off by the name, a slang term for vagina, that she asked its owner to change it.

"I don't appreciate anything that offends more than half the population," Manross said. "But he said no and heard my concern. I really didn't want to see a business with that name opening anywhere here."

Sounding more strip club than cantina, the restaurant isn't coy about the double entendre.

"(The name) came out of a dish (that's on the menu), but it's tongue-in-cheek. It was amusing, catchy," Pink Taco CEO Harry Morton said. "You've got to stand out from the rest of the crowd."

The Scottsdale City Council will consider the Pink Taco's application for a liquor license May 15 and will vote whether to recommend that the state liquor board approve the license. No letters of opposition have been filed with the city so far, but Pink Taco management is nervous about the name controversy because the restaurant won't open without that license.

The original Pink Taco is inside Morton's family-owned Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas, where they serve strong margaritas and upscale food with sides of loud rock, Mexican art and "East LA" bric-a-brac, i.e. low-rider bicycles and license plates.

"I haven't had a single flap since the restaurant opened - in 6 years," Morton said.

Scottsdale is first in a planned expansion to other "AAA+ locations in A+ markets," he said.

The Pink Taco is slated to open in June on the corner of Scottsdale and Camelback roads in the $250 million Scottsdale Waterfront.

The restaurant will be next to the elegant Wildfish Seafood Grille and boutiques where blouses sell for as much as the payment on a Lexus. Nearby condos under construction will cost as much as $4 million.

And the name does offend some:

"It's degrading to women. It sounds like a sexual slur," said Dorina Wilson, 40, of Phoenix, a mom who shops in the area regularly.

Dawn Staples-Kerr, 39, of Scottsdale, agreed. "I don't think we'd even go to lunch there. It's already been a talking topic," she said. "We were like, 'Can you believe they're going to open something with that name here?' "

Moments later, Staples-Kerr explained the phrase to a friend who's 44. Giggling ensued.

David Roderique, the economic-vitality director for Scottsdale, also giggled when asked about the restaurant. Then he regained his composure. "While there may be some people who have concerns about the name of the restaurant, we've got a younger crowd who appreciates more diversity and finding ways to slap the establishment," he said.

The leasing agents in charge of the Waterfront's retail space knew the name had baggage, but it didn't matter in the face of the hipster cachet the Pink Taco would bring, said LeDonna Spongberg, vice president of leasing at the Phoenix-based Corritore Co.

"We knew who they were, and we liked them; they bring a really high energy to the project," she said.

Future condo tenants haven't been turned off by the name, said Jeff Roberts, vice president of real estate development with Opus West, the Waterfront condo developer.

Rick Kidder, president of the Scottsdale Area Chamber of Commerce, wonders if people aren't upset because the name goes over their heads.

"I've seen the Blue Burrito, and I thought, 'Oh, Pink Taco. OK.' " he said. "Somebody had to explain it to me. I just didn't get it."

Funny

LOL a Shakespearean insulut generator can be found here

They include ...
Thy head stands so tickle on thy shoulders, that a milkmaid, if she be in love, may sigh it off.

Thou caluminous guts-griping bugbear!

and my favourite :

Thou crusty botch of nature!

Pigeon poop causes shootout

Pigeons at a market in Bolton were shot dead by marksmen using high-powered air rifles in an early morning cull.

The 90-minute licensed cull followed complaints by traders and managers at Farnworth Market about high levels of droppings. A total of 40 birds were shot dead from 6am on Wednesday.

Usually poison or even birds of prey are used to control roosting pigeons. Special nets were also put up at the market to cover its stalls.
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But Bolton council said it had no choice but to order a cull as a last resort after the situation worsened.

The council said the cull was carried out with the knowledge of the police to protect the public from health risks associated with bird droppings. It ended at 7.15am - and the council said another one could be necessary. A spokesman said: "It was decided to carry out the operation at 6am on a day when the market was not open to ensure there was no risk to the public or traders. Pest control officers were called in at the request of market management and traders."

40,000 in London marathon

SIR STEVE REDGRAVE broke the record yesterday for fundraising at the Flora London Marathon, with £1.3 million of pledges for finishing the course.

The five-times Olympic rowing champion, who had run only a handful of sessions this year, completed the 26 miles 385 yards in 5 hours, 29 minutes and 6 seconds, well behind his two former crewmates, Sir Matthew Pinsent and James Cracknell.

However, Sir Steve, who was raising money for his trust, which benefits several charities, said: “This year was not about winning but all about the money. I am so pleased so many people will benefit.”

His fundraising total beat last year’s record of £1.25 million, set by Steve Chalke, founder of Oasis Faithworks and Parent Talk, for which he was running.

Sir Steve insisted that this was his last marathon, despite many people recalling that after winning his fourth Olympic title in 1996 he said: “Anyone who sees me near a boat again has my permission to shoot me.”

He then went on to triumph for a fifth succesive time in Sydney in 2000, in a boat with Pinsent and Cracknell.

All three and the 34,145 other registered competitors ran in a steady drizzle, which cooled the conditions for those in fancy dress as a gorilla, a belisha beacon or bird.

Despite the rain there were huge crowds, with Cracknell saying: “If this is what happens in these conditions, think what it will be like when we stage the Olympics in 2012. I had tears in my eyes as I ran across Tower Bridge. I found it amazing that so many people would shout my name, that of a minor sportsman, competing in what is not his main event.

“The crowds got more and more passionate as you go down the course. People seemed genuinely to care what you do. It is different from an event that is just confined to elite competitors. Everyone in this race has their own goal.”

Cracknell was the first of the trio to finish, but failed by ten seconds to beat his target time of three hours, almost collapsing after crossing the line. He had been able to start running only in the middle of February after he had recovered from his feat of rowing across the Atlantic in 49 days. His hips began to suffer badly under the strain and he was given an ice pack at the finish.

Gordon Ramsay, the celebrity chef, ran his sixth London Marathon, recording 3 hours, 46 minutes and 10 seconds, blaming his relatively slow time on his “manic work schedule”, saying: “I did my first 90 minutes run in Dubai.”

The wheelchair event was spoilt when Ernst van Dyk, the favourite from South Africa, crashed on a roundabout after three miles and brought down Denis Lemeunier, of France, the 2001 winner. David Weir, of Britain, blamed Van Dyk for going too fast at that part of the course, but he himself went on to win, setting a course record of 1 hour, 29 minutes and 48 seconds.

London marathon wedding

A bride and groom will be forgiven for not making any long speeches on their big day after tying the knot while running the London Marathon.

Katie Austin and Gordon Fryer, dressed in an ivory bridal gown and morning suit, exchanged vows on Tower Bridge - halfway round the 26.2 mile route.

Ms Austin, 25, said they asked friends and family to make donations to charity rather than buying wedding presents.

The pair from Romsey, Hampshire, have raised £12,000 for Help the Hospices.

Also taking part were Ms Austin's parents, Tina and Bob, who gave their daughter away in the Bridge Master's dining room on Tower Bridge.

After the 80-minute ceremony the newly weds were showered with confetti by cheering guests and well wishers before heading for the finish line.
Speaking at the start of the race Mr Austin said: "It's a very emotional day giving your daughter away and what a day to do it.

"I didn't think there would be this many at the wedding and I am certainly not getting the first round in."

Wearing a full-length ivory wedding dress Ms Austin said they had decided to get married during the marathon to "capture the imagination of family and friends".

She said she hadn't tried running in the dress before: "It's absolutely filthy already... but we're not taking ourselves too seriously today."

Mr Fryer said he would carry his bride over the finish line "if I've got enough strength left in me".

The couple plan to go on honeymoon next week, once they have fully recovered.

Lobster POT

A group of fishermen in The Maldives got more than they bargained for when they reeled in the country's largest ever drugs haul, local media reports.

The lobster catchers found 1,697 plastic bags packed with cannabis in a lagoon, Haveeru news agency reported.

The drugs on the ocean floor weighed in at over 1.6 tons in total.

Police are investigating the incident. Drug smuggling in the island paradise is punishable by death, although no-one has ever been executed for the crime.

According to the Haveeru Daily newspaper the scale of the drugs haul has caused tension among local people who are insisting that police must destroy it in a transparent manner.

Mystery of the Stateless American

Swedish authorities Saturday are investigating how a man calling himself a "stateless American" ended up floating on a raft of oil barrels and wood planks in the waters between Denmark and Norway.

The man -- who carried no identification, spoke perfect English and said his name was George Williams -- was found by a Norwegian oil tanker Friday morning, floating in the Skagerak sea on a raft of four oil barrels held together by a frame of wooden planks.

He told police he had been thrown from a ship several days earlier and now wanted to go to New York, but offered little further information.

He asked to be taken in by Swedish authorities, and shielded his face from photographers when he was taken to a port in southern Sweden.

"If he was thrown off a ship, they must have thrown off the raft for him to sit on as well, so I don't know," Swedish marine police spokesman Bengt Albinsson said. "We are trying to figure out the circumstances, but we will have to see how much he wants to tell us."

The man claimed to be a "stateless American" born in Cape Town, South Africa, in 1959, police spokesman Thomas Fuxborg told the newspaper Dagens Nyheter.

"He says he has lived for a long time in the USA, but does not want to say where," Fuxborg said. "He has worked in Europe, but does not want to say where and with what. He is not seeking asylum in Sweden but wants to go to New York."

The man was taken to a hospital in southern Sweden to be treated for dehydration and a frostbitten foot but did not seem seriously injured, authorities said.

He will be held in police custody until Monday, when authorities will contact the U.S. Embassy to try to confirm his identity, Fuxborg said.

Sign of the times

A Kansas City girl who skipped school Thursday received an unusual punishment from her father.

When Don Wesselman found out his daughter, Samantha, had skipped her freshman classes at Bonner Springs High School to hang out with friends, he gave her two choices.

"I told her she could either get disciplinary actions at home, or she could go up the street and hold a sign for 30 minutes," Wesselman told KMBC-TV in Kansas City, Mo.

She chose told hold up the sign, which read: "I skipped school so I don't have to learn so my Dad made me this sign so I can be ready for the future. God Bless."

Motorists and passers-by saw her holding up the sign.

The girl received some sympathetic looks, but others cheered the father's discipline.

"Outstanding -- that's the only thing I can say about that," a bystander said.

"I feel the parents don't do enough of that. I'm raised the old world way, and kids have got to learn there are rules and regulations," a passer-by said.

"I bet she won't do it again because that's embarrassing. I guarantee you that daughter won't do that again -- to see everybody knowing that you skipped school -- she won't do that again," a witness said.

"I think I put my foot down and she isn't going to do it again," Wesselman said.

After her 30 minutes were up, Samantha handed over the sign to her father, who said they'd be having a conversation later over why she skipped school.

Wesselman said he got the idea for the sign from another parent in New York who did something similar a few years ago.

Toilet eruptions

The house is worth about $101,000, but it may cost the city of Charlotte, North Carolina, more than that to clean it up.

Homeowner Meg McCormick said it sounded like an elephant belching and looked like a small oil well had been struck.

There was a grease clog in a sewer line near her house, and workers used a high-pressure hose to blast it open. It blew all the black gook back into McCormick's house, creating a geyser of sewage spraying from her toilet bowl.

The eruption lasted 55 minutes, leaving 4 inches of sludge in the house.

City officials said they'll gut, repair, and clean up the house.

Trashy exhibition

An art installation called "Trash People" by German artist H.A. Schult stands outside the Cologne Cathedral in Germany on Friday. The exhibition features 1,000 life-size statues made of rubbish.
HA Schult has exhibited all ove the world ,including the great wall of China and below Zermatt in Switzerland.

Happy St Georges day !

Today is St Georges day , tha patron saint of England.
As with most saints, myth and legend surrounds St George and of how a Roman soldier came to be regarded as the essence of England.
He is most famously known as the brave slayer of the dragon and saviour of the maiden but, although this story exists in a number of different medieval texts and art, it has no historical basis.
There is very little information about the life St George, but it is known that he was not English.

He is thought to have been an early Christian martyr from the area of modern day Turkey, who was executed in Palestine in the third century.
Legends about his valorous deeds as a soldier-saint began in the 6th century and by the 12th century the famous story about his rescuing a king's daughter and slaying a dragon had become widespread.

Some experts think the tale is based on the Greek myth of Perseus rescuing Andromeda from a sea monster.
St George was popularised in England by Crusaders, Christian knights returning from religious wars in the Middle East.
He was supposed to have appeared to the Knights dressed in white robes decorated with a red cross during the 11th century siege of Antioch.
He became the official patron saint of England in 1425 after Henry V's victory at the Battle of Agincourt.

The Red Cross of St George is England's national flag and it also forms part of Britain's Union Jack.
However, the English are not the only people to stake a claim in St George.

In the Middle East, Christians invoke his powers to help exorcise demons.

In many countries St George is associated with fertility and his day marks the very beginning of summer.

In Lithuania he is revered as the guardian of animals and in parts of Spain St George's day is celebrated with feasts and gift giving.

Commuter of the year

NEW YORK: Dave Givens drives 372 miles to work and back every day and considers his seven-hour commute the best answer to balancing his work with his personal life.

The winner of a nationwide contest to find the commuter with the longest trek, Givens is one of millions of people who are commuting longer and further than ever before.

Studies show Americans spend more time than ever commuting and for a growing number, getting to work takes more than an hour.

In the most recent US Census Bureau study, 2.8 million people have so-called extreme commutes, topping 90 minutes.

Givens, a 46-year-old electrical engineer, has an extreme commute between home in Mariposa, California, and his job in San Jose.

He leaves home before dawn and returns after dark.

Cool

Recycling starts at home - and what's cooler than trading in your old LEGO bricks for the real thing, and by doing so, helping to rebuild schools in New Orleans?

Through Aug. 31, the toy maker promises to match every brick it receives with the genuine article. It's also asking kids to send in notes, drawings or pictures of something they think would benefit the New Orleans of the future.

For more information, visit legobuildersoftomorrow.com.

Aus firefighters rescues

Western Australian firefighters were called to help a man whose genitals had become snared in a horse's bridle.

It is one of the many bizarre jobs FESA officers have been sent to so far this year.

Firefighters have performed nine animal rescues, including one on a dog with its head stuck in a pool fence in Armadale.

They also saved a kookaburra caught in a chimney.

They rescued a magpie from a tree after the bird became trapped in string and was unable to free itself.

Firefighters have also saved children stuck in precarious positions.

A Geraldton youngster got his head stuck in a bed and was freed by them.

An eight-year-old Atwell child became trapped in a bunk-bed and another youngster had his hand stuck in a drink-vending machine.

There was also a shed fire caused by an electrical fault. The burnt-out shed revealed a hydroponic marijuana set-up.

Fire crew tried to help the man with his penis snared in part of a horse's bridle. But they were unable to provide assistance and the man was taken to hospital for treatment.

FESA's director of metropolitan fire services, Russell Stevens, said firefighters were being called to assist in a range of situations, such as helping ambulance officers lift obese patients.

They also had to attend shocking car crashes and cut victims free.

Perth fire station officer Mario Fazio said the job fascinating and brought challenges every day.

"You do get jobs out of left field every now and then," Mr Fazio said.

"Last year an elephant at Perth Zoo was sick and we had to assist to get it to its feet. First we used airbag lifting equipment and then we ended up using a crane and sling to do the job.I enjoy every day. It's a fantastic job. There's plenty of variety. Every day is a challenge and you work with a great bunch of blokes."

Too skinny to be an Aussie

A British woman was told she was too thin to become an Australian citizen.

Helen Evans, who weighs 6st 11lb and is 5ft 3ins tall, was facing deportation after her low weight meant she failed a health check.

But a tribunal overturned the ruling and she has now been told she can stay in Australia pending a decision on her application for permanent residence.

Psycho cheque writer

Colorado - An alleged case of cheque fraud in Mesa County is keeping investigators on their toes.

Authorities say a 37-year-old Grand Junction man told them he let his chequebook out of his sight for a time, then discovered 12 cheques were missing -- and might have been written without his permission.

But Sgt. Matt Lewis said the man is worried he might still be liable for them, because he has a multiple personality disorder -- and fears one of his other 24 personalities might've used the cheques.

Lewis said the man was right to report the missing cheques, and that authorities will keep in touch with him and his bank.

Idiot of the year

A man raising his 18-month-old daughter alone tried to sell the little girl for $7,000 so he could make improvements to his house, police said Friday.

The man from Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin, tried to sell his daughter to a Grand Chute couple, who helped authorities in the investigation, Grand Chute police Chief Ed Kopp said.

"He was having difficulties raising the child alone and wanted to use the money for some home remodeling," Kopp said.

Danny Vu, 37, was charged Friday with unauthorized adoption placement, a felony that carries up to six years in prison.

The daughter showed no signs of physical abuse, Kopp said. Brown County officials will probably place her in temporary foster care.

The man wanted to sell the girl "and didn't want anything to do with the baby after that," Outagamie County District Attorney Carrie Schneider said.

The man owns a nail salon in Green Bay. A salon employee told the man he knew a Grand Chute woman who was looking to adopt a baby, and the man and the Grand Chute woman were introduced, police said. A friend of the woman later called police.

Schneider said the couple wanted to contact attorneys and follow legal adoption procedures, but the man did not want to involve attorneys.

Police arrested the man after the Grand Chute woman called police to say he was on his way to their home with the girl Wednesday night, Kopp said.

"We obviously had some concern about the child and what condition she was in, so we made the decision to intercept him," he said.

The girl's mother left the area several months ago and is not in the country, Schneider said.

Vu was jailed in lieu of a $10,000 cash bond.

Defense attorney Eugene Bartman said Vu, who was born in Vietnam but is a U.S. citizen, has never been in trouble with police or in jail before.

Vu "understands what's going on and thinks it's very unfair," Bartman said

Naked carpenter

A carpenter who keeps his clothes clean by working in the nude was arrested after a client returned home early and found him building bookcases in the buff.

Percy Honniball, 50, was charged with misdemeanor indecent exposure this week for the October incident.

He told officers he stripped before crawling under the client's house to do electrical work because he didn't want to soil his clothes, police said.

Honniball said Thursday that working in the nude gave him a better range of motion and that a skilled craftsman can work clothing -- and injury -- free.

"In certain situations such as demolitions where you are smashing rock you want to be clothed and protected because this rock can harm you," he said.

Honniball was caught working naked in Berkeley three times in the last six years and put on probation for violating a city ordinance. Honniball said he doesn't plan to do work in his birthday suit again.

Police said he apologized to the startled homeowner, but was fired. The homeowner paid Honniball for the finished work, but deducted $200.

"He kept out that amount to change his locks," Oakland Police Officer Jesse Grant said.

Mistaken ID sex

A MAN who claims he mistakenly had sex with "the wrong woman" after entering a dark bedroom at the home of a Sydney magazine editor was yesterday committed to stand trial for rape.

Paul John Chappell, 31, was invited back to the editor's Bondi flat after they met during a night out.

The pair went to bed and Chappell later got up to use the bathroom.

But Chappell claims he mistakenly returned to the wrong bedroom, where the editor's 23-year-old flatmate was asleep.

He got into bed with the flatmate and initiated sex, allegedly believing she was the other woman.

The flatmate participated because she thought it was her own boyfriend who had come to bed after falling asleep in the loungeroom.

When she turned on the light, the "hysterical" woman saw Chappell in her bed and realised her boyfriend was still asleep on the couch.

Chappell intends to plead not guilty to one count of sexual intercourse without consent.

"The defence case is he made a mistake," barrister Wayne Flynn told the Downing Centre Court Local yesterday. "He went into the wrong room and had sex with the wrong person.

"He thought he was having sex with the person he went home with.

"The (alleged victim) says she believed she was having sex with her boyfriend. She made a mistake as to who she was having sex with and so did the defendant."

In a statement to police on the morning of the incident on October 1, the alleged victim said she had gone to bed about 2am, leaving her drunk boyfriend asleep on the lounge.

Vell done Sveden

The letter "W" has finally been added to the definitive dictionary of the Swedish language, in the latest edition compiled by the Swedish Academy, it said on its website.

Words spelled with the letter "W" are rare in Swedish, with the exception of words borrowed from other languages, such as "whisky", "wok", and the Internet "web."

"W" and "V" are also pronounced identically in Swedish, and therefore have often been considered interchangeable. As a result, words spelled with the rarer "W" have been listed under the "V" section of the dictionary, which incidentally is followed by the "X" section.

But in the new version of the Swedish Academy's dictionary, "W" now has a section all to itself.

"The 13th edition introduces something unusual: an additional letter. W ("double-v"), which will no longer be categorized under the single v but will instead be -- as in many other languages, including Nordic ones -- a letter in its own right, placed after the letter v," the Academy wrote on its website introducing the new dictionary.

The Swedish Academy's dictionary, first published in 1874, was last updated in 1998. It now contains 125,000 words in current use in the Swedish language.

Perhaps the distinction between "W" and "V" will help English-speaking Swedes remember that the only poisonous snake found in their country is not, actually, a "wiper"...

Hair costs ?

Prime Minister Tony Blair's Labour party spent some £7,000 on hairstyling bills for his wife, Cherie, during last year's month-long general election campaign, a newspaper reported Friday.

The party would not comment directly on the report's accuracy, but suggested there was nothing wrong with such expenditures.

"So what?" a Labour spokeswoman said, speaking on condition of anonymity in keeping with party policy.

"Mrs. Blair worked fantastically hard during the election. . . . She is enormously popular with the party and, don't forget, we won the election."

The Times said the party had listed the styling bills as an election expense £ 275 or about $480 a day for almost month of campaigning - in its mandatory declaration to the Electoral Commission.

The commission declined to comment.

Cherie Blair, who uses the surname Booth in her professional life as a lawyer, has long had her hair done by Andre Suard, a stylist at the upscale Michaeljohn salon.

Tony Blair's official spokesman said the prime minister's wife paid for Suard herself whenever she brought him on official government trips. He said party events that occurred during a campaign were a separate matter.

Because Britain does not have an official role equivalent to that of the United States' first lady, prime ministers' spouses have to shoulder many costs associated with their position in the public eye.

Cherie Blair, whose clothing and appearance are often mocked by the British news media, has been criticized in the past for her reliance on a pricey hairstylist.

Christopher Meyer, Britain's former ambassador to Washington, recalled in his recent memoir that the Blairs held up their Concorde's departure from Andrews Air Force base near Washington, B.C., after a visit to Camp David in Maryland because her hairstylist had been left behind.

"A helicopter brought him posthaste to Andrews as the rest of us kicked our heels," Meyer wrote.

My head hurts DOH !

An Oregon man who went to a hospital complaining of a headache was found to have 12 nails embedded in his skull from a suicide attempt with a nail gun, doctors said.

Surgeons removed the nails with needle-nosed pliers and a drill and the man survived with no serious lasting effects, said a report on the medical oddity in the current issue of the Journal of Neurosurgery. The unidentified 33-year-old man was suicidal and high on methamphetamine last year when he fired the nails into his head.

The nails were not visible when doctors first examined the man in the emergency room of an unidentified Oregon hospital a day later. Doctors were surprised when X-rays revealed six nails clustered between his right eye and ear, two below his right ear and four on the left side of his head.

No one before is known to have survived after intentionally firing so many foreign objects into the head, said the report, written by Dr. G. Alexander West, the neurosurgeon who oversaw the treatment of the patient.

The man at first told doctors he had had a nail gun accident but later admitted it was a suicide attempt.

The nails came close to major blood vessels and the brain stem but did not pierce them. The patient was in remarkably good condition when he was transferred to Oregon Health & Science University in Portland, where the nails were removed.

The patient was later transferred to psychiatric care and stayed under court order for nearly a month before leaving against doctors' orders.

Beat that ! Neighbour

A Japanese woman was sentenced to one year in prison for bombarding her neighbours with loud music day and night for two and a half years.

Miyoko Kawahara, 59, blasted up-beat tunes on her radio-cassette player, causing her neighbours to feel dizzy, lose sleep and sending one woman to hospital for a month of treatment, the ruling said.

"After the defendant stopped playing music the neighbours' health recovered," Judge Tetsuya Okuda of Nara District Court in western Japan said.

"The defendant's act was a persistent and malicious crime aimed at troubling her neighbours."

Defence lawyers had argued that playing music could never be a crime.

The 65-year-old woman who was hospitalised also filed a civil lawsuit against Kawahara and won over $23,000 in damages, a decision that the defendant has appealed, Jiji Press said.

Happy Birthday your Majesty !!

April 21, 1926: Elizabeth Alexandra Mary born in London.

Dec. 11, 1936: Edward VIII abdicates, and his brother becomes King George VI, placing Elizabeth next in line for the throne.

October 1940: With Britain at war, Princess Elizabeth records her first public broadcast, a message for the children of Britain.

April 21, 1943: Her first public engagement, a day with the Grenadier Guards tank battalion.

Nov. 20, 1947: Marries Philip Mountbatten, who becomes Duke of Edinburgh.

Nov. 14, 1948: Prince Charles is born.

Aug. 15, 1950: Princess Anne is born.

Feb. 6, 1952: George VI dies, succeeded by Elizabeth II.

June 2, 1953: Coronation of Queen Elizabeth II at Westminster Abbey, the first televised coronation.

1953: The queen's sister, Princess Margaret, falls in love with a divorced man, prompting the royal family to veto marriage – the first of several episodes of marital troubles in the family. Margaret marries Antony Armstrong-Jones in 1960; they divorce in 1978.

Feb. 19, 1960: Prince Andrew is born.

Mar. 10, 1964: Prince Edward is born.

Nov. 14, 1973: Princess Anne marries Capt. Mark Phillips. They divorce in 1992, and the Princess Royal marries Rear Adm. Timothy Laurence.

Nov. 15, 1977: Peter is born to Anne, first of the queen's seven grandchildren.

July 29, 1981: Prince Charles marries Lady Diana Spencer.

June 21, 1982: Charles and Diana's son Prince William is born.

July 9, 1982: Intruder breaks into queen's bedroom; she talks with him until police arrive.

July 23, 1986: Prince Andrew marries Sarah Ferguson; they divorce 10 years later.

Nov. 20, 1992: Fire destroys part of Windsor Castle.

Dec. 9, 1992: Charles and Diana announce they are separating.

1993: Queen begins paying taxes voluntarily to assuage public sentiment against the state subsidizing the throne; opens Buckingham Palace to tourists to help pay for Windsor Castle repairs.

Dec. 20, 1995: Queen urges Charles and Diana to divorce.

Aug. 28, 1996: Charles and Diana's final divorce decree is granted.

March 6, 1997: Queen joins cyberspace, launching British Monarchy Web site, www.royal.gov.uk.

Feb. 9, 2002: Princess Margaret, the queen's sister, dies at age 71.

March 30, 2002: The monarch's mother Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, dies at 101.

April 8, 2005: Prince Charles marries Camilla Parker Bowles; queen declines to attend civil wedding but joins religious blessing service afterward.

April 21 ,2006: The Queen celebrates her 80th birthday.

Tagging AIR FORCE ONE

A startling Internet video that shows someone spraying graffiti on what appears to be President George W. Bush's jet looked so authentic the U.S. air force wasn't immediately certain whether the plane had been targeted.

It was all a hoax. No one actually sprayed the slogan Still Free on the cowling of Air Force One.

The pranksters responsible for the grainy, two-minute Web video - employed by a New York City fashion company - revealed Friday how they pulled it off: a rented 747 in California painted to look almost exactly like Air Force One.

"I wanted to do something culturally significant, wanted to create a real pop-culture moment," said Marc Ecko of Marc Ecko Enterprises.

"It's this completely irreverent, over-the-top thing that could really never happen: this five-dollar can of paint putting a pimple on this Goliath."

The video shows hooded graffiti artists climbing barbed-wire fences and sneaking past guards with dogs to approach the jumbo jet. They spray-paint a slogan associated with free expression.

After the video began circulating on the Web on Tuesday, the air force checked to see whether the plane had been vandalized.

"We're looking at it, too," Lt.-Col. Bruce Alexander, a spokesman for the Air Mobility Command's 89th Airlift Wing, which operates Air Force One.

"It looks very real."

Alexander later confirmed no such spray-painting had occurred.

Ecko acknowledged Friday that his company had rented a 747 cargo jet at San Bernardino's airport and covertly painted one side to look like Air Force One. Employees signed secrecy agreements and worked inside a giant hangar until the night the video was made. Ecko declined to say how much the stunt cost.

"It's not cheap," he said."You have to be rich."

Bigfoot caught ?

Malaysian wildlife officials denied capturing a baby "Bigfoot," amid fevered speculation over the existence of the mythical creature in the nation's southern jungles.

The Berita Harian newspaper reported that a young Bigfoot was caught by a group of men thought to be from the Wildlife and National Parks Department (Perhilitan) near the southern town of Kota Tinggi two weeks ago.

The paper quoted local residents as saying they had spoken to men who described shooting the creature with tranquiliser darts. The locals then peeked into the back of the their truck to see a large, hairy creature.

But the department's director-general Datuk Musa Nordin denied the report.

"During the period reported, Perhilitan did not mount any operation in the area," Musa said in a statement carried by the official Bernama news agency.

Freddie Long, the Tourism and Environment Committee chairman in southern Johor state, said that if a Bigfoot had been captured, it should have been given to local authorities for research.

Bigfoot fever erupted last December when some workers claimed to have spotted three of the beasts, two adults and a youngster, on the edge of a Johor forest reserve.

The tale was given wide coverage in the national press which also carried stories of other sightings, some dating back decades, and printed photographs of supposed footprints -- vague impressions in the jungle floor.

Local authorities treated the claims seriously, with plans for an official expedition to track down the mysterious beasts, and setting up a telephone hotline to report sightings.

Suggestions that the story has been cooked up to lure tourists to Johor have been denied.

Stories of mythical ape-like creatures have been reported in wilderness areas all over the world. They are known as Bigfoot or Sasquatch in the United States and Canada, and yetis in the Himalayas.

Talk about a fanny pack !

SAN SALVADOR, El Salvador -- A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.

Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman Alberto Uribe said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something."

Lidia Alvarado, 44, was found hiding a cylinder containing the weapon and the drugs, as she entered La Esperanza prison on the northeastern outskirts of the capital of San Salvador, Uribe said.

She was turned over to police and charged with illegal weapons possession and drug trafficking, he said. Police who inspected the M-67 grenade said it was in working condition.

Alvarado was visiting two inmates, serving 25 and 30 years. Each had been convicted of rape, robbery and illegal arms possession.

Prison Director Wilson Galeas was quoted by the daily newspaper La Prensa Grafica as saying it was not the first time Alvarado had visited the two convicts.

Free breast examiner

Florida - Broward sheriff's deputies have arrested a 76-year-old man they say was going door to door offering women free breast exams.

Investigators said that Philip Winikoff, of Coconut Creek, was targeting women in the 3200 block of Northwest 40th Street and was passing himself off as a doctor. He was carrying a small medical bag with him when he went to the homes, deputies said.

Investigators said the man's wife was a nurse. They have not determined if she is still a nurse at this time. Investigators were also not clear if the bag he was using belonged to her.

The man found at least two Lauderdale Lakes women who took him up on his offer.

One 36-year-old woman said she let Winikoff into her apartment. She after he touched her breasts, he moved his hand to her genitals. She said one she realized that Winikoff was not a real doctor and she called the Broward Sheriff's Office.

Investigators said by that time, Winikoff had already found another victim; a 33-year-old woman who lives in the same complex. That woman told deputies that Winikoff also sexually assaulted her.

Winikoff has been booked into the Broward County Jail. He is charged with sexual assault.

Investigators said that they believe Winikoff has likely victimized other women who may be embarrassed about coming forward.

Diet to GAIN weight

Matt Chaffee has to watch his diet.
Not to loose weight, but to gain it. The 22-year-old man from eastern Idaho now tops 100 pounds for the first time in his life.

He's going to celebrate with a special dinner out with his mom.

Chaffee says he's a medical mystery and had digestive problems as a newborn. The five-foot-nine college student consumes 6500 calories a day, more than 2.5 times average.

He boosts his intake with protein shakes and must wear long underwear even in the summer to keep warm.

Chaffee says his next goal is to get up 120 pounds.

Only in Oklahoma

Bray ,OKLAHOMA _ A man has caused an uproar in this southwestern Oklahoma town by advertising in an unusual manner that he'd like to pay for a virgin to be his bride.
A sign that 45-year-old Michael Thelemann posted in his yard Sunday said that he'll pay $1,000 for a virgin bride between the ages of 12 and 24.

"I feel like I'm living down the street from a paedophile," said neighbour Christy Sternadel. "We want him out of this neighbourhood. Who asks for a 12-year-old virgin bride?"

As of Wednesday, no one had taken up Thelemann on his offer, but he had heard several negative comments from neighbours, which he said he didn't understand. He said his grandmother married "a much older man" at age 14.

"I'm just somebody who is getting up there in years, and I'm looking for a born-again, God-fearing virgin between the ages of 12 and 24 who can bear me children," said Thelemann, who was divorced in 1989. "What's the problem? I just think I have some wicked neighbours."

Neighbours asked the Stephens County sheriff's department to stop Thelemann from displaying the sign, but Undersherriff Bob Hill said the sign was gone by the time deputies visited Thelemann's home.

That's because it was stolen, Thelemann said. He put up another sign Wednesday that didn't include the minor ages. The new sign also noted he's not interested in a "pig-worshipping, heathen, white-supremacist wife."

Gas or spike?

Drivers in Sheffield who try to avoid paying for their fuel will be stopped in their tracks from Thursday. The Texaco garage on City Road has become the first in the north to introduce spikes which slash the tyres of offending vehicles.

Automatic sensors close to each pump activate a warning sound when a driver starts to leave without paying. If the driver continues to leave sharp spikes automatically pop-up and puncture both rear tyres.

The City Road garage has been targeted repeatedly and manager Mark Elliot said it had lost thousands of pounds each year from people refusing to pay. The Drivestop system is the brainchild of Jag Mudhar, a petrol retailer from the Midlands.

His original system has been refined and the latest version was unveiled at the City Road garage on Thursday.

Mr Mudhar said: "Eight years ago me and my family owned a forecourt and we were forced out of business by the sheer number of drive-offs. So I thought it was about time somebody did something about it."

The system has the full backing of South Yorkshire Police.

District Crime Reduction Officer, Det Con Stuart Wallace, said he hoped other fuel retailers would now follow suit.

He added: "The introduction of this product at the City Road Texaco site will no doubt cause potential fuel thieves to think again before attempting to commit further offences. This is the first such installation north of Leicester and although the criminals may not yet be aware of the implications, they soon will if they attempt to drive off the premises without paying for the fuel they have put in their tank."

FFS!

Facilities in a prison are being built so Muslim inmates do not have to face Mecca while sitting on the toilet.

The Home Office said two new toilet blocks are being installed as part of a refurbishment at Brixton jail in south London.

Faith leaders had told prison bosses it was unacceptable for Muslim inmates to face Mecca while using the toilet.

"The refurbishment has been carried out with due consideration for all faiths", a Home Office spokeswoman said.

"Following consultation with faith leaders within the prison, various small adjustments were made to ensure the faith issues of all prisoners are taken into account."

She added: "The money spent did not affect the overall cost of the refurbishment programme."

Strange Bin Laden Squirreling in Spain

Spain's government said yesterday it had ordered an investigation into how the country was soaking up a quarter of one of the world's largest denomination bank notes, the €500 (£345) bill.

With tax officials and the Bank of Spain unable to explain where all the notes were going to, the country's ample black market and many money-launderers became the chief suspects.

The €500 notes are popularly known in Spain as "Bin Ladens" because like the al-Qaida leader, everybody knows they are around but hardly anyone has seen them.

The Bank of Spain said the notes were increasingly being drawn from high street banks and then disappearing. Last month 100m more notes were issued to high street banks than were handed in by them. That accounted for 26% of the total issued in all 12 eurozone countries, according to El País newspaper.

A booming building industry is thought to account for much of the high-denomination cash that has disappeared. Some 60% of real estate companies reportedly accept cash payments, while some are even said to demand them.

The deputy mayor of the southern town of Marbella, Isabel García, was found to have €378,000 in €500 notes in her safe when police arrested her in a corruption investigation earlier this month.

Spaniards have a tradition of squirreling savings away in cash hoards. "We had the same thing with 10,000 peseta notes," a central bank source said. "For some it is a way of laundering money. For others it is just a way of keeping their savings."

Rude letter day

Nobody expects to receive a letter from a member of Congress that ends with an expletive.

But that’s what happened when U.S. Representative Jo Ann Emerson, a Missouri Republican, recently corresponded with a resident of her southeastern Missouri district.

The letter ended with: “I think you’re an asshole.”

Emerson said she can’t explain how the offensive language made it into the letter, which otherwise reads like a typical response to a citizen’s question about last year’s testimony of oil executives before the U.S. Senate commerce committee.

“There is no excuse for this inappropriate letter having been sent and every apology has been made to the individual who received it,” Emerson said in a statement.

“We cannot determine whether the addition to the letter was made by someone within the office or by someone with access to the office but it is on my letterhead and the responsibility for it lies with me. A valuable lesson has been learned and new procedures will be adopted as a result.”

Spokesman Jeff Connor said the measures include locking down all computer workstations when they are not being used, increasing the editing of outgoing mail and reviewing policies on who has access to the office.

“No one has been disciplined at this time because we are not yet able to identify the person responsible,” Connor said.

The man who received the letter, Bill Jones, of Centerville, Mo., declined comment when reached by phone at his home Wednesday.

A copy of the letter had made its way to the Missouri Democratic party

Joyride home

An 8-year-old boy swiped his teacher's car keys and took her minivan for a joyride, cruising safely home and into the record books as the city's youngest auto thief, police said.

The third-grader told officers he "just wanted to drive around for a while" when he left the James Marshall School on Monday, officer Michael Amarillas told the Modesto Bee newspaper.

The diminutive driver snatched the keys from teacher Caren Brady's purse when she turned her back to the class. In order to operate the Dodge Caravan, he raised the driver's seat, lowered the steering wheel, adjusted the rearview mirror and turned off the radio.

"This is the smallest child you can ever imagine," said Brady, who noticed her vehicle missing a couple of hours after school, according to the paper. "I don't think this kid is four feet tall. He's tiny; he's the tiniest kid in the class."

The boy, whose identity was not released, was suspended from school, Brady said. Nothing was damaged and no one was hurt. Police said they would not charge him with a crime.

A neighbour saw the boy driving and called police. Officers found the van parked in front of the house, which is about a kilometre from the school. They lectured the boy after interviewing him.

"You can't do anything but laugh," said Brady, who spent 90 minutes Tuesday teaching other pupils about the consequences of choices they make. She said she would not let the boy return to her class, according to the Bee.

$10m slot jackpot

For 84-year-old Josephine Crawford, the golden years just got a lot more golden.

After a night playing the slot machines, the retired waitress was about to call it quits Tuesday when she hit a $10 million US jackpot, the biggest in the history of casino gambling in Atlantic City.

Crawford, who gambles here twice a week, has been going to the casinos since the first one opened in 1978. She had never won more than $1,000 before she came into the big money at the nickel slots at Harrah's Atlantic City.

The widow from Galloway Township lives with her daughter, drives a 2006 Honda Civic and has no plans to buy a new car or a new house. But she always wanted to see Italy, where her parents grew up, and wants to share the wealth with her two daughters, five grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

"Somehow, I'll spend it. I'll spend it at the casino, and I might go to Vegas," she said.

The jackpot was won on a progressive slot machine linked to hundreds of others in Atlantic City's 12 casinos. The previous biggest Atlantic City jackpot was $8.5 million, won in 1994.

Crawford was playing alongside her 27-year-old granddaughter Alicia Weeks. After spending about $20 with no luck, Weeks suggested they move on. Crawford said no, she wanted to play $20 more. She was down to her last $5 in credits when she hit the jackpot.

It didn't take long for word of her luck to spread. Three men proposed to her, she said.

"Their wives were there, too!" Crawford said. "One of them told me, 'You can have him!' "

Auf weidersehen Deutschmarks

A German pensioner flushed bundles of old banknotes worth a small fortune down the toilet because he thought they were now worthless.

"He flushed the cash down the loo because he didn't think it was worth anything," said police spokesman Uwe Voigt.

Police said he dumped some 60,000 deutschemarks - which the euro replaced in 2002 - into the bowl, unaware they could still be exchanged for about 30,000 euros ($49,785).

Sewage workers recovered about half the sodden currency from the 64-year-old's plumbing.

The remaining notes created a bottleneck in local sewers, where most were fished out.

"There may have been more cash that got away," said Mr Voigt.

Police said the man lived in "spartan" circumstances and had dried out the notes and taken them to a bank.

It was unclear if he had laundered the money first.

JCB Speedster

A vehicle designed to try to break the diesel land speed record will be unveiled on Thursday.

Staffordshire-based JCB has been working on a machine that will travel at more than 300mph (482kph).

The yellow and black streamlined car is nine metres long (29.5ft) and contains two modified versions of a standard JCB engine.

Later in the summer it will be tested on salt flat in the US to try and break the current record of 235mph (878kph).

The car will be driven by wing commander Andy Green, who set the first supersonic land speed record at 763mph (1227kph) in 1997.

How old is one ?

The Queen of England, Queen Elizabeth II, invited 99 guests to Buckingham Palace in London on Wednesday, and she didn't need to ask anyone's age.

All shared the Queen's birth date - 21 April 1926.

The Queen laid on a three-course meal in the grand Palace Ballroom for 70 women and 29 men who, like her, will celebrate their 80th birthday on Friday.The main course of filet de boeuf bordelaise being served on a royal silver dinner service normally reserved for state banquets.

The guests were to dine around 20 tables inside the royal home, with some seated next to the Queen or her husband, the Duke of Edinburgh.

They were also be invited to a drink in the palace's Picture Gallery before lunch.

Speaking at the start of their special birthday lunch, the Queen welcomed her "twins," and wished them a happy birthday.

"Thank you for coming today and I hope all of you, and all those of you who are my exact twins, will make the most of our special day on Friday. A happy birthday to all," she said.

She insisted they, her included, should give thanks for their "health," "happiness," the "support they receive from our families and friends," "wonderful memories" and the "excitement that each new day brings."

The banquet guests were nominated by themselves or relatives, and were selected in a ballot earlier in the year.
John Forrester, who had travelled from Australia, was rewarded with a seat next to the Queen at the lunch. He described her as the "most natural person in the world", adding that she would "endear herself to anybody and everybody".

"You look back over your life and say 'when have I bettered it?' Well, when I got married, when I had kids, yes, but beyond that this has to be the top of the tree."

The Queen will spend her 80th birthday at Windsor Castle, where Prince Charles will host a family dinner.

G'day to Indian Techs !

Call center workers in India are having nervous breakdowns after being abused by fed-up Australians – but they aren't getting much sympathy.

Millions of people are employed in India's fast-growing call-center industry, famous for maddening calls at dinner time in Australia.

For some of the workers, abuse and overnight working hours are contributing to stress, sleeping disorders, fatigue and migraines.

A survey of Mumbai call centers found most call-center workers suffer from burn-out stress syndrome.

The abuse included racial taunts, the Global South Research Group survey found.

"Racial abuse by foreign customers is a job hazard that most employees have to deal with," a report on the survey says.

"The US and Australia are the worst abusers," said Vino Shetty, from his Young Professionals Collective office in Mumbai.

"Australian accents – especially in working-class areas – are very difficult to understand.

"The Australians then get frustrated because they are not being understood and when they realise the call is from India their anger gets worse.

"They can feel that jobs are being taken away from Australians and if they recently have been out of a job themselves, the abuse escalates," he said.

But Queensland Consumers' Association spokeswoman Cherie Dalley said Australians were reacting to phone calls because they were at "ridiculous" times.

"Australians are tired of having their privacy interrupted by people trying to sell them things they didn't want in the first place," she said.

James Organ, director of Australian research organisation Callcentres.net, said "lots of poor innocent Indian workers" were abused regularly by Australians.

"Some companies are regretting outsourcing this business to India because of the damage it does to their products' reputation," he said.

"Its a cultural thing – the moment an Australian suspects the call is coming from India they can get uptight.

"Yet in the UK, where they are used to interacting with Indian people, there's not so much negative reaction."

Mr Organ's group estimates Indian call centers account for 50 million calls to Australian homes each year – one fifth of the total telemarketing calls made. "Everyone has a story of how they were called by someone in Mumbai," he said.

Outsourcing of telemarketing and other business began about seven years ago when companies found it was cheaper to hire people in India, the Philippines and Malaysia to sell mobile phone plans, financial services, insurance and credit cards.


watch here for a real funny spoof ... click on Tech support .. there are 3

9 x life + 109 years ban

The UK's worst driver was being bars last night after being banned from the roads for nine lifetimes plus 109 years.

John Williamson, 40, was locked up for 14 months yesterday after he admitted defying eight previous life bans for drinking and driving.

In 2000, Williamson was branded the worst driver "in Scotland, if not the UK", after earning his sixth life ban.

At the time, he claimed he only got behind the wheel when he was drunk.

He also claimed he had never caused an accident - shortly before smashing into a police car.

At Perth Sheriff Court yesterday, Williamson was banned for life for the ninth time after he admitted driving while disqualified and with no insurance.

He was banned for another 10 years when he admitted failing to give a breath sample to police - bringing his running total to 109 years on top of the life bans.

After being arrested in Blairgowrie, Perthshire, in January, Williamson spat on civilian police worker Stephen Ritchie.

Fiscal depute Anne Hart told the court: "The police got information that he was driving under the influence. They saw the accused driving very slowly. He was seen to pull into a parking area. They recognised the accused as a disqualified driver. The vehicle was stationary and he was locked within it.Access to the driver was gained and he was informed he was under arrest. There was a strong smell of alcohol from him."

Solicitor Steve Lafferty, defending, said: "It is fair to say he has a shocking record in relation to traffic offences. He accepts he drove his father's car. He accepts he ought not to have entered the vehicle. He has a somewhat slender recollection of matters."

Sheriff Lindsay Foulis told Williamson: "You have an appalling record."

Williamson was last jailed in 2004 after WPC Melanie Norrie had to leap to safety as he drunkenly crashed into her car.

Even then he refused to stop and led officers on a two-mile chase through the centre of Blairgowrie.

Rubgy fans lose city ?

An exodus of rugby fans from Limerick in Ireland threatens its status as a city, and the European funding that goes with it, when a population census is taken Sunday.

Diarmuid Scully, mayor of Limerick in western Ireland, told Reuters as many as 20,000 fans could follow the regional team Munster to Dublin Sunday for the Heineken Cup semi-final against Leinster.

Many could stay on to celebrate -- or to drown their sorrows -- knocking Limerick's population of 54,000 below a crucial threshold of 50,000, he added.

"At the time April 23 was picked, it probably seemed like a quiet night," he told Reuters. "Unfortunately for Limerick people, quite a lot of us won't be at home that night. Quite a number would stay on to celebrate if it's a Munster victory."

Scully called on Limerick rugby fans to return home after the match.

"Should the population drop below 50,000, then Limerick wouldn't be considered a city anymore by European standards, and we'd actually lose out in terms of European funding," he added.

Scully said census rules allowed forms to be completed on the following Monday morning, and he called on census officials to be lenient.

"I'm asking for a flexible interpretation of the morning -- let morning stretch throughout the day," he said. "Let it stretch until midnight."

Wacky Racers

A pair of real-life wacky racers from Sheffield are preparing to do an 8,000 mile car race in a 10-year-old Nissan Micra in aid of charity.

The daring junior doctors will make the mad dash from London to Mongolia in late July with 200 other cars as part of the Mongol Rally - the world's most extreme car challenge.
And in the same tradition of cartoon characters Dick Dastardly and Muttley, not only do the rules of the rally state that no car may have an engine over one litre, but there is no detailed route to follow or a support team on hand if - or rather when - things go a bit wrong.
But for team 'Cannonball Hun' - with Andrew the 'Atilla' Hogg and James the 'Hun' Hatcher - the uncertainty of travelling across one quarter of the earth's surface in a car with 140,000 miles already on the clock is all part of the appeal.
"I thought it might be a good adventure," said 26-year-old Andrew, from Crookes.
"I wanted to do something a bit different before I have to settle down. It will be something to tell my grandkids and hopefully we can raise lots of money."
The friends, who both studied medicine at Sheffield University, have not yet finalised their route and there is some disagreement whether they want to risk driving through Iran.
While Andrew thinks it is probably not the best time to visit, James, also 26, said he thought it might be fun.
"I quite fancy Iran but the southern route is a bit dodgy," he said.
But whether the car makes it as far as that is questionable.
"This is a highly toned, well oiled machine," said Andrew.
"But it has got a little bit of rust and does need a bit of work. The fan has to be fixed and we need some all-terrain tyres and spotlights put on, as the countries we will be going through will put the car through a lot of stress through deserts, forests and mountains.
"Half the fun is breaking down and meeting people in the process. If your car doesn't break down something has gone wrong!
"When you do, you just hire a couple of camels and carry on! The whole purpose of the rally is to provide a bit of a challenge."
And the pair are doing away with modern technology.
"We're not taking satellite navigation equipment," said James, from Broomhill.
"It's illegal in Russia, and it would feel like cheating. But I'm definitely going to buy a map and compass even though the map will be useless once we get into Mongolia and head for the capital, Ulaan Baatar. Maps in Mongolia are notorious for not tallying with the actual roads - it's best to ask a local.
"I'm going to get key phrases written out in Russian and practice my universal sign language.
"I'm slightly apprehensive but pretty damn excited and its in aid of good causes."
The pair are hoping to raise more than £1,000 to be split between children's, agricultural and wildlife charities.
Anyone who would like to act as a sponsor or make a donation of money, car parts, camping equipment or raffle prizes should contact team Cannonball Hun by emailing AndrewHogg@doctors.org.uk.

Daiquiri for kids

UK _ A FURIOUS Sheffield mum has slammed a restaurant after her six-year-old son became ill when he accidentally drank an alcoholic cocktail.
Kent Di-Nitto was sick and dizzy after drinking most of what he thought was a booze-free Strawberry Daiquiri from the children's drinks menu at Damon's Restaurant, in Sevenairs Road, Beighton.
Today angry mum Paula told The Star: "If my son had been two years old, not six, then he could be dead.
"The problem is the children's cocktails have the same name as those for adults. It's ridiculous. They should change the name of the children's cocktails, otherwise this could happen again and the consequences could be even worse."
Kent became ill minutes after finishing the drink which was bought by a 12-year-old friend during his mum's 35th birthday meal.
The terrified adults in the party sipped the cocktail to check for booze and demanded bread and water from the waitress to soak up the alcohol.
Paula, from Woodhouse, even phoned the police but was told the restaurant hadn't committed a criminal offence because Kent hadn't physically bought the drink and it was down to human error. She later phoned NHS Direct, who told her to check Kent regularly during the night. He has now made a full recovery.
Paula said: "We used to go to the restaurant quite a lot but we won't be going back now."
Damon's Restaurant manager Lee Foulston said: "It was a mistake on behalf of the person who took the order and we are investigating the matter.
"The drink was originally bought by a 12-year-old girl but she didn't like the taste and, for whatever reason, it was given to the six-year-old.
"The children's cocktails are clearly marked with the word 'Virgin' so we would argue that the adults' and children's drinks do not have the same name."

Shorts robbery

Fairfield, California - A man wearing only black undershorts robbed a convenience store early Tuesday, Fairfield police said.

Officials said the man entered the 7-Eleven store at 1231 Tabor Ave. at around 12:30 a.m.He walked behind the counter and demanded that the clerk open the register, police said. The robber took cash and left the store.

The robber was last seen walking south toward Solano Mall. The area was searched, but police could not find the bandit.The robber was also described as Hispanic, about 30 years old and having a ponytail and light mustache.

Duck ban

DUCKS have been banned from a village duck pond.The 16 ducks have been branded pests after killing off other wildlife in the pond.

They have been allowed to stay to rear their chicks this spring, but will then be rounded up and "relocated".

But villagers claim the ducks are a local attraction and children love to go to the pond every day to throw them bread.

Andrew Wigley-Jones, 37, said, "My three-year-old daughter Sophie loves going to see the ducks. They are part of the character of the village and they bring the community together.

"I have met lots of other parents while our children are feeding the ducks."

The mallards were given as a gift to the village of Creigiau, near Cardiff, years ago, and have since bred with wild ducks.

Every spring the proud parent birds can be seen waddling around the pond with their ducklings trailing behind them.

But the community council says the pond is now overrun with ducks, who have munched through all the other wildlife, including frogspawn.

Secretary to the community council Alec Davies said, "There are almost no frogs, newts and sticklebacks in the pond this year. The ducks are destroying the habitat and we have made a decision to relocate them.

"Some children would be distressed, but the greater good would be served."

The ducks will be relocated to a nearby lake later this summer.

Thanks for 25 years service ... you're sacked !

Shirley Ogden was told she was being fired minutes after getting a gold watch for 25 years of loyal service.

Shirley was presented with the gift by managing director Steven Luddington. He praised her as a hard-working and valuable member of staff known for her flexibility.

But with the applause of her colleagues still ringing in her ears, she was then called into Mr Luddington’s office and told she was one of twelve workers on a redundancy list.

And to add insult to injury she learnt that she wasn’t even being considered for another in-house post that was being offered to other staff.

On her redundancy score-card she had been marked down for not being flexible enough. The accounts administrator wept when she finally got home with the gold watch and photos of her presentation in one hand and P45 in the other.

Shirley, 49, said: “I can’t believe how shabbily I have been treated. The way Mr Luddington behaved is exactly like David Brent in The Office. One minute they were giving me a lovely speech telling me what a valued member of the team I was, how loyal, hard-working and flexible I am and how much I’ve achieved in my 25 years of employment.

“And the next they were announcing redundancies with my name on the list. It’s a disgrace.” Shirley, a grandmother with two grown-up children, worked for Hilding Anders UK which owns the Slumberland bedding brand.

The firm’s motto is: “All the support you need — all the comfort you deserve.”

Caged writing

A playwright in search of inspiration for a drama about pandas has spent much of the last week in a cage in a zoo in northern France.

Norbert Aboudarham, 57, has spent 10 hours a day since Thursday in a cage in Amiens Zoo writing The Panda's Flea.

He has had with raccoons, red pandas and wolves, among other fauna, for neighbours.

His work is the third in a series about animals which he began in 2002.

Aboudarham's cage is furnished with a bale of straw and a log on which he perches. He does, however, have a laptop computer hooked up to a mobile phone.

He declines to talk to the public and communicates by way of messages passed through the bars.

He says to write "about the universe, you have to put yourself in a cage smaller than the universe".

"This experiment magnifies characteristics. For example aggressive visitors become a bit more irascible," he said. "I am exhausted because I get a lot of requests. It is much more tiring than I thought."

According to Christine Morrier of Amiens Zoo, a former director of a cultural centre, the experiment is a way of "questioning man about his belonging to nature".

"For the animals it makes no difference at all, In any case they are used to the people who look after them," she said.

She says that Aboudarham, whose stint ends Thursday, has drawn many sightseers.

Why did we lose ? Now don't lie..

Players at a Romanian first division soccer club will be forced to take lie detector tests after losing two matches.

Last week National Bucharest surprisingly lost 1-0 at home against Vaslui and 2-0 at Jiul Petrosani to dent their chances of playing in European competition next season.

"It's about a moral audit which will allow our players to show they played honestly against Vaslui and Petrosani," the club's main shareholder Constantin Iacov said.

"I think it's normal to check your employees from time to time," he added.

"I'll be the first to undergo the polygraph test and the team's coaches soon after me."

On the road again

A woman in northern Portugal has given birth for the second time while being driven to a hospital delivery room, a daily newspaper reports.

The Jornal de Noticias says Maria Duarte, 35, was on her way to a hospital in the city of Vila Real, some 400 kilometres north-east of Lisbon, when she went into labour in an emergency services vehicle.

The vehicle parked on the side of the highway and she then gave birth to a healthy 2.5 kilogram girl with the aid of a doctor, nurse and two young volunteer firefighters who were accompanying her.

"I was afraid she would die. I was even afraid to push," Ms Duarte told the newspaper.

She says that her 10-year-old daughter, Silvia, was born prematurely under similar circumstances.

"I was leaving my home village in my brother's car and she was born, there was no time for anything," she said.

All shook up

Australia _ The organisers of the Parkes Elvis Festival in the central west of NSW are seeking legal advice about changes to the rules surrounding Elvis Presley impersonators.

An American billionaire who owns the rights to the Elvis name and likeness is working to stop "unauthorised" impersonators as part of a plan to open a show and exhibit in Las Vegas dedicated to 'the king'.

More than 5,000 people travel to Parkes each year to see hundreds of Elvis look-a-likes and celebrate his music.

The festival's Monique Kronk says very few details about the shake-up are known but organisers want to ensure it will not threaten the event.

"We've got to discuss not just how it affects the festival itself but ... who are coming in and we don't know quite yet enough about what they are planning to change," she said.

"But obviously we'll have to speak to Elvis Presley Enterprises and maybe we can negotiate some sort of licence that will cover for the whole festival - festival goers coming - we don't know enough yet about the situation."

Pensioner's paint pain

A pensioner and RAF veteran was thrown off a city bus because he was carrying a tin of paint.

Grandad Brian Heale, 73, boarded a No 9 Cardiff Bus on Penarth Road at 9am yesterday with a can of water-based emulsion he had just bought from MA Jones paint store.

He was hoping to travel just two stops, to catch another bus to a friend's house to do some decorating for him. But as he sat down, the driver told him carrying paint might be against company regulations and after a call to head office, Mr Heale was told he had to get off.

Suffering shortness of breath after two heart attacks and unable to make the 20-minute walk to his friend's house in Leckwith, he had to go to a local cafe and get a lift from the manager.

Mr Heale has now branded the ruling 'crazy'.

'It's absolutely hysterical - you won't be able to take a wet umbrella on a bus in case it drips water on the floor next,' said Mr Heale, of Clive Street, Grangetown, a former self-employed decorator, who served with the RAF for 20 years.

'That could be a hazard. I don't understand why water-based emulsion is banned. It isn't a fire hazard. It can be washed away if it's spilled.

'I bought it at 9am and wanted to get the bus to Clare Road to catch another bus to my friend's house in Langham Way, Leckwith.

'I got on and sat down then the bus driver said, 'Excuse me, you're carrying paint, I don't think you can come on with that, it's against regulations'.

'I thought he was joking but he parked the bus while he called head office. Then he told me carrying the paint doesn't meet their new guidelines and I had to get off.

'It was cold and had started to rain. I got off and went back to the Black and White cafe on Penarth Road and the manager gave me a lift.'I just think it's comical. I've carried paint on the buses many times.'

Cardiff Bus said paint was classed as a hazardous article under national public transport guidelines as it could spill and cause accidents. It must be sealed in a pot and in a bag to be carried on buses.

A Cardiff Bus spokesperson said: 'The safety of our passengers is our number one priority which is why the company takes regulations on health and safety very seriously and attempts at all times to adhere to the regulations. However, the company does accept that in certain circumstances more flexibility needs to be displayed and we apologise to the gentleman involved for the obvious inconvenience that this incident caused.'

What's banned on the buses? Cardiff Bus says items classed as hazardous articles which must not be carried on public service vehicles under national guidelines include:

Panes of glass

Gas cylinders

Guns

Open bladed tools

Swords

Petrol

Paraffin

Paint - unless it is carried in two containers ie in a sealed pot and a bag, and is not left unattended on a parcel shelf where it could slide and tip, burst open and spread across the floor.

Dance!

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