Pub team name changes

With the likes of Kaka, Ronaldinho and Rooney their team sheet reads like a Champions League dream team. But the players of lowly Lynam Athletic actually play in the Birmingham Coronation League Alliance Division 3, and last season finished bottom.

The team needed an inspirational way to strike fear into their opposition - so they ALL officially changed their names by deed poll to professional footballers for the start of this season. With Peter Cech in goal and a back four of Paulo Maldini, Cafu, John Terry and Fabio Cannavaro - their defence sounds like a force to be reckoned with.

And the appetising prospects of a midfield of Steven Gerrard, Ronaldinho, Kaka and Christiano Ronaldo would have any manager licking his lips. Thierry Henry and Ruud van Nistelrooy make up the front line but unfortunately, all are merely a bunch of IT workers from the West Midlands.

And now the squad of 17 players - who have even had their new names printed on their shirts - are looking a better prospect this year and are sitting in 5th place after four games. Top goalscorer Thierry Henry, 39, formerly Darren Yeomans, said: "We wanted to strike fear into the opposition and we certainly weren't going to do that with our football skills.

The zany idea was the brainchild of player manager Dan Branch, 29, now Cafu, over a pint in their local pub. "We hope that the name change will give us a bit of inspiration to go on and improve this season and so far we haven't done too badly. That's the confidence you get from actually being John Terry or Ronaldinho. Who ever thought you would see Henry, Messi and Gerrard playing together on a Birmingham park on a wet and windy Sunday."

Lynam are sitting 5th in in the league at the moment after finishing bottom last season so the team hope their new alter ego's will inspire them to change their season around.

Captain John Terry, 29, said: "We're not in the best shape anyway as both Thierry and Ruud smoke about twenty a day and Gerrard is always half cut on a Sunday - nothing like their namesakes."

Squad

• Player-coach Cafu
  aka Daniel Branch
  
• Player Iker Casillas
  aka Pete Hall
  
• Player Petr Cech
  aka John Robins
  
• Player Daniel Alves
  aka Paul Blears
  
• Player Fabio Cannavaro
  aka Neil Kimpton
  
• Player Jamie Carragher
  aka Jon Barber
  
• Player John Terry
  aka Ian Flatt
  
• Player Hernan Crespo
  aka Andrew Mullan
  
• Player Michael Essien
  aka Darryl Brown
  
• Player Steven Gerrard
  aka Connor Edgcumbe
  
• Player Kaka
  aka Nick Hall
  
• Player Ronaldinho
  aka Majid Ali
  
• Player Wayne Rooney
  aka Ben White
  
• Player Thierry Henry
  aka Darren Yeomans
  
• Player Lionel Messi
  aka Chris Gray